


I Cradled You In My Arms

by kurooos



Series: shangst week 2017 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asphyxiation, Established Relationship, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Sexual Content, M/M, Serious Injuries, Shangst Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 17:29:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11318220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurooos/pseuds/kurooos
Summary: With injuries preventing either of them from moving from their location, both Shiro and Lance are stuck together, forced to watch their time tick away, and Lance's life.alt; Lance suffers from a serious crippling injury and has to wait for it to run its course with Shiro.





	I Cradled You In My Arms

**Author's Note:**

> it's bad when you know the heartless author of your fic cried writing it. Prepare for some hurt.  
> Day 3: Below

Shiro ached all over. It was really just a combination of things ranging from overworking his muscles to turning his back and taking the brunt of the explosion of rubble.

The lights in the room were down, the emergency energy provided leaving the crystal in the center of the room flickering softly.

It illuminated the charred walls and floor, dusted in a fine layer of soot and debris. Dust and other small particles floated listlessly in the air.

The light also fell softly on the back of Lance’s head, casting shadows over the paladin’s face. With his eyes closed and lips slightly parted with shallow breaths, Shiro could lose himself in staring at Lance. So that he could count each inhale, the seconds as Lance breathed out.

When Lance opened his eyes and peered at him, looking tired and ready for a long nap, Shiro knew they didn’t have time to stare at each other and enjoy the other’s company.

No, their armor didn’t have an endless supply of oxygen to filter through, and Shiro knew that Lance was running low, even with Shiro’s hands covering the hole in his armor.

Debris had slammed into Lance from behind hard enough to break the armor and send Lance down. The tear in his suit and armor was nothing bigger than a small coin but the suit still flashed red lights inside warning Lance about a breach in his armor’s integrity, and as such, his oxygen filtration was compromised.

With the castle now having a massive hole into space ripped into it, they had to secure their helmets on and hope for the best.

The living-room like area they had both been in was now enclosed with twisted metal from the walls and chunks of crystal scattered.

Neither of them could walk, the rocking of the castle ship had sent both of them across the room like toys. Shiro had landed on his foot wrong, already knowing it had broken before the pain even caught up to him. As he stumbled back, the seating came off the floor and flipped on top of Shiro’s uninjured leg, trapping him down on the floor.

Lance had taken the worse damage however, and Shiro’s flashbacks of Lance jumping in the way of Coran and a bomb made him scared. Much more scared since this wasn’t just a normal bomb. No, it was a suicide mission, one that had hopes of taking the paladins down with it when the galra commander had slammed their ship head on into the castle.

With none of it’s defenses up, the castle had no chance to prevent the collision and consequently, the puncture. The sudden depressurization of the rooms sent machinery to bust and explode.

Shiro didn’t know where the other paladins were, he didn’t know where the princess was. He just hoped that Coran had taken care of her, somehow they were safe.

He only knew of Lance, who was still blinking in a daze at the floor in Shiro’s arms. With frustration building, Shiro knew he was losing the blue paladin too quickly.

His oxygen supply was hissing away between Shiro’s fingers and his body was littered with cuts and bruises from where he’d tumbled over furniture in the event of the castle lurching sideways.

Lance’s jaw was wobbling as well, giving away his chattering teeth. His glazed over look told Shiro that Lance wasn’t just cold from losing oxygen but he was fighting to stay conscious. It took everything Shiro had to not panic.

“Hey, buddy, stay with me, okay?”

Lance smiled at Shiro softly, just an uptick of his lips before he nodded, eyes closing.

“Wouldn’t go anywhere without you, Shiro.”

He whispered, turning his head to rest on Shiro’s chest now.

Were they not wearing their armor, Shiro was positive Lance would have been able to hear his heart racing. And maybe, if their armor was off and in an entirely situation, this would be comfortable and relaxing.

“You better not.” Shiro said, trying to keep his voice stern. Instead it was small and scared, worried that Lance might slip through his fingers right here.

He’d make sure Lance was okay though, no matter what.

“You think Allura’s okay?” Lance asked, concern blatant.

“Don’t worry about that right now.” Lance was ever the one to make sure everyone else was okay before him, of course. Of course.

“It’s our job to protect her.” He said, turning to look at Shiro with a small glare as if to say, _you know better, Shiro_.

“What about this, what if we stay put, where we know it’s safe, and wait for the others to find us? And then we can worry about the princess. That sounds pretty great to me.”

Shiro looked to the side and watched a chunk of rock float by. It tumbled listlessly by and bumped into a wall before taking it’s time to go to another wall.

Lance was quiet, not replying for a long while. Shiro grew worried and chanced a look at Lance to see his face, to make sure his eyes were still open.

Lance was staring off into space, looking not at all inconvenienced that they were stuck here like this, that he was literally sighing his life away with every pretty eye roll, every soft rise of his chest, every blink.

His eyes turned, met Shiro’s and Lance had the audacity to chuckle coyly and blush, as if he were flustered or something that he caught Shiro staring.

“What?” He asked, obviously amused with Shiro’s attention.

Shiro gave him a gentle smile and wanted his hands free, wanted their helmets off, that stray lock of hair falling over Lance’s eyes was his favorite to push away and then follow with a kiss.

“Nothing. I love you.”

Lance huffed out a weak laugh and then tapped his helmet against Shiro’s. He had mentioned on a rogue mission that that was how they could kiss without the bulky helmets in the way. Just bump them together, he’d said, knocked their heads together, and then went skipping off to fight.

“Don’t start getting sappy on me, I can’t get away from you.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It is for me. If you keep talking like that I’ll fall asleep on you.”

Even though Lance was joking with him, Lance talking about sleeping made Shiro feel cold. He knew it was dangerous for Lance to sleep. It would help him with oxygen preservation, but Shiro couldn’t talk with him then, to make sure he was still okay. And selfishly, Shiro decided that was better than letting Lance sleep.

“You can’t sleep, okay? Keep talking to me. You can rest or do whatever just stay awake.”

“Easier said than done,” Lance mumbled. He turned to rest his head down again, curled up on top of Shiro like they used to in bed. When Shiro could feel Lance drooling through his shirt.

Shiro couldn’t use his hands to pull Lance’s head up, they were too busy keeping the hole in Lance’s armor covered up. And he was too scared to jostle himself in fear that he break his other foot.

“Lance. You’re going to be in a lot of trouble if you fall asleep on me, and you won’t like the punishment you get, you understand?”

“Sheesh. You got it capt’n. Let me just tell my brain to stop freaking out, so simple.”

“You’re such a brat, more than usual. Did you eat breakfast?” Shiro joked, still keeping his eyes on Lance.

“No, actually,” Lance said, frowning at the opposite wall, “I wish I did. Kinda sucks to suffocate when you’re hungry. I don't even get a last meal.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

The blue paladin turned around, looked up at Shiro with a look as if he were crazy. That or Lance was looking for _something_.

“What do you want me to talk about then? The fact I can’t feel anything from my waist down? That I can’t even feel your hands on my back? That I’m so cold I would gladly throw myself into an active volcano? That it hurts to breathe? I have barely 2% of my oxygen left. You want to talk about something other than breakfast? Sure, let’s talk Shiro.”

His heart dropped into his stomach with every short word, the panic in Lance’s voice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“No no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of said those things,” Lance muttered softly and ducked his head again, “I’m scared, is all.”

Shiro sighed and tilted his head back to rest on the floor. He shut his eyes and breathed, in then out, in, out.

“They’ll find us soon. Even if our gps systems are down they know where we went. I told Keith.”

“Of course you did.” Lance smiled, not meaning anything rude as he chuckled to himself. He had talked with Shiro a few times about how close he and Keith were.

The first time was because he obviously saw Keith as a challenge to their relationship, but then the next few conversations were about Shiro letting Keith know almost everything. Sooner or later, Lance had said, Keith would know about their sex life!

Shiro adamantly had denied that he would ever give Keith those kind of details. _Aha,_ Lance had stood up quickly, _so you would tell Keith we have sex!_

Shiro had rolled his eyes lovingly and then tugged Lance into his lap by the waist, whispering heatedly against his lips that he would tell every planet they saved if so wished it. That he’d even show...

Lance found out quickly how into _that_ he was.

“It puts Keith at ease to know my whereabouts; he has leftover anxiety from my whole Kerberos disappearance.”

“Shiro, we _all_ have leftover anxiety from your whole Kerberos disappearance.”

“Right.” Shiro said with a small smile, shutting his eyes for a moment. The pain in his ankle was getting worse, numbing all the way up to his knee and it flared terribly.

Somehow, the sensation brought on phantom pains in his galran arm, making him want to clench his fingers hard. But he had to keep his hands still, held over the hissing tear.

Red lights flickered over his eyelids before he was washed into darkness. It was startling enough for him to open his eyes and see that Lance’s armor had gone dark, no longer flashing the red warning lights.

His heart plummeted. No. No no no no—

“Lance?”

No response. Even as Shiro gave Lance a small shake, Lance’s head lolled lifelessly on his chest.

Shiro felt his throat closing up, like a hard and dangerous hand around his windpipe, stopping his next inhale.

“Lance, _please_ , answer me.” his voice tripped and broke when he flinched in pain, broken ankle flaring at him once again.

It didn’t matter anymore, if his ankle was broken or shattered or even gone. If Lance was–

“Shh. Let me just, listen to you.” Lance mumbled, voice barely a whisper.

Shiro didn’t feel his panic subside in the slightest. He didn’t know what Lance was even talking about, and now, Shiro felt himself getting angry at Lance for scaring him like that.

Lance then whispered again, painfully calm, “If I’m gonna go...I just want to hear your heartbeat.”

Shiro blinked and felt the pressure behind his eyes release, tears slipping down his face. He shook his head softly, wanting his hands free. He needed to hold Lance closer than this.

If these were their last moments, Shiro wanted more than just this. He had too much to say, too many kisses not yet given, too many ‘I love you’s not uttered and whispered.

“Don’t say anything, okay? Please? I’m okay like this. It’s okay like this.” Lance said, fear pure in his voice.

It was expected, his life was slipping from his fingers, it hurt to breathe, sucking in air that was thinner and thinner until he was left tucking his face against Shiro’s shoulder and trembling.

His tears were silent against the visor of his helmet. The thing prolonging every inhale, each tiny gasp as Lance shut his eyes.

Shiro hugged Lance closer, squeezed him tight and then...his hands were moving. Ever gentle and soft, wary of his touch.

“I love you.” He whispered, hugging Lance around the shoulders and shaking. Everything hurt, every one of his own inhales felt sharp and terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible that he was breathing while Lance asphyxiated himself. While he had the macabre honor of listening to Lance take his last breaths.

“Lance, I love you with every fibre of my being, with every beat of my heart, and every breath I take I love you, and will continue to love you.”

Shiro sat there, laid below Lance, counting his own heartbeats so he could listen to what Lance was listening to.

He lost track of himself that way, not even able to feel or hear Lance in his arms anymore. He kept counting, hoping that when he stopped it would all be over, and that rescue would be there for them.

Lance’s arms had been around Shiro, stayed tucked there, tight in fear, tight in their embrace.

Everything in Shiro’s mind shattered when that fragile grip went slack. Without even a breath or sigh, Lance slipped away from him without ever leaving his arms.

With a pained whimper Shiro clutched at Lance, mouth moving soundlessly over broken pleas and begging for Lance to not go, for this to not be real.

_Please, please, please. Lance. God, no, please. No, no, no. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me._

Sobs wracked Shiro’s entire frame, even as he squeezed his eyes shut and held Lance ever closer, as if it would pull them away from their armor and the dark, cold room.

He had Lance’s helmet in one of his hands, other arm looped around Lance’s lower back so he could cradle Lance to him.

His fingers were numb, from Shiro’s thoughts running white noise, how they couldn’t have shared an intimate moments due to the helmets, keeping their hushed breaths on opposite sides of a wall. Keeping Shiro from being able to kiss Lance for a final time.

He had so much he wanted to do with Lance, so much to say, so many planets to see. Shiro had even entertained the thought of starting a family with Lance. That they might return to Earth happily once it was all over and adopted a beautiful baby and grew old together in a house all their own.

Or maybe, short term, Shiro could have just spent one last night in bed with Lance, to smell the fragrances of his lotions and soaps and skin care, could have listened to his gentle snoring and then wrapped his arms around him one last time, woke him up with kisses until Lance complained about morning breath and tried to wriggle away.

But instead he didn’t get any of that. Could never have that.

Shiro kept his face pressed into Lance’s shoulder, crying until his eyes ran dry and then pushing past the point— close to hyperventilating when his armor had flicked the emergency auto health systems on releasing relaxing pulses into Shiro’s brain, paladins didn’t get the luxury of heartbreak or panic attacks with their armor maintaining their vitals—until his body was too exhausted and in pain to stay conscious.

And then, as he felt sleep overtake him, Shiro wouldn’t mind at all if he never woke up, if this was where he took his own sleep into forever on the heels of his lover.


End file.
